It’s only Tuesday, and I already feel like it’s been an emotional roller coaster type of week. I’ve cried some tears, but they range from happy tears to sad tears.
Sunday we had a big Relief Society meeting that our RS presidency wanted all the ladies to be there. That meant the men all subbed for Primary, so I got to go. I always love a chance to go to RS, and we even got strawberry shortcake! (Score!!) Anyway, the lesson of course was on visiting teaching, and I always love new ways to make visiting teaching effective. For some reason though, this lesson just made me depressed about myself. It made me feel like an awful visiting teacher, an awkward person, and overall just out of place. I know that couldn’t have been the Spirit telling me those things, so I came home with a determination to set more time to pondering, praying, and searching for the Spirit to really be with me in the things I’m doing.
Today marked happy tears and sad tears. First, the sad tears.
I have a dear dear friend who has been trying to get pregnant for a long time. (As in 5+ years). She’s one of the dearest people I know. So pure, kind, and compassionate. 2 weeks ago, she and her husband announced that they were expecting! I started crying the minute she told us because I was SO happy for them! All day long today I’ve been thinking about her, so I shot her a text to tell her I hoped she was feeling well. A few hours later I got a text from her saying she had a long night last night and had miscarried her baby. Commence tears again. Her faith, hope, and courage are something I admire so much, and I continue to pray that this miracle of her actually getting pregnant can lead to a miracle of a baby in their home in the future.
Within 30 minutes of getting this text tonight, I was made aware of a miracle. A friend, who I think the world of, was given the shocking news last July that she had a brain tumor on her pituitary gland and that she would never be able to conceive children again. In fact, they said her 3 year old daughter was a complete miracle because the tumor had been there that long. September brought surgery, where they were able to remove half the tumor, but also had to remove the pituitary gland, which controls all the reproductive hormones. Despite all the medical reasons why it shouldn’t happen, and multiple doctors telling her it would never happen, I started to pray for her for that miracle that she wanted – to conceive another baby. And tonight, I had another testimony that miracles happen. She is 12 weeks pregnant now, and it’s so wonderful to see the happiness in her eyes, despite ongoing pain.
My last tears tonight are the ones the come often that life is not fair. It simply is not, and I only hope one day to understand why. All I do know is summed up in the words of a song I wrote my sophomore year of high school:
God love my laugh
He loves my eyes
He loves my smile and He holds me every time that I cry
He loves Me
And I know that rings true for every single one of us.