Sunday, February 20, 2011

If I Listen With My Heart


Steven is now a sunbeam in Primary, and he absolutely loves it.  I think one of his favorite things is singing time.  Also, the primary choristers gave out CD’s to all the kids with the songs they’ll be singing this year.  The first song on the CD is called “If I Listen With My Heart.”  Steven asks for me to play it all the time, and he absolutely loves it.  I’ve had so many feelings lately that I’ve wanted to blog, and the title of that song was the best thing to describe my feelings.

I often wonder sometimes why the Lord has given me what I’ve been given.  I especially feel this way when I have friends or family go through trials that I want to be able to take away from them so they don’t have to feel that burden.  I’ve felt this way when I have friends that want to badly to have babies, but their bodies have things that make that difficult for them.  We got pregnant with both our kids within a month of getting off birth control, and so many times I’ve wanted to be able to say to my Heavenly Father that he can take that ability from me for a time and give it to them so that they can be able to bear children.

There are so many other times as well, but I recently found out someone very dear to me is expecting her first child, but just found out that she won’t be able to raise her baby here on this earth once her sweet daughter is born in June.  This particular incident has hit me harder than I could ever imagine.  When my sweet nephew was stillborn seven years ago, that affected me a lot, but my mom said something about it affecting you more after you’ve had children.  A few weeks ago I discovered what she meant.  My heart continues to ache every time I think about it.

As I’ve pondered and thought about why we’re given what we’re given, the answer I received was probably something everyone will receive one time or another, but it still was what I needed in my heart.  The Lord knows us what we need, and He puts us where we are for a reason! I am where I am, because this is where I can serve the Lord the very best.  Other people are where they are at because that is where the Lord needs them.  Righteousness does not always mean that you’re never going to struggle with anything.  Each of us has special talents and feelings, so He puts us where we need to be to help other people feel His love.  Or, He may have someone that only we can help along the way because of what we have experienced.  As long as we continue to strive to live the way He wants us to live, He is going to use our best talents to best help His work.

When I was in high school, I heard a talk where John Bytheway quoted a poem that I wrote down, and still reflect on often.  I found it here.

My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.
Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.
He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.


Christina said...

I love this post, Janell, and can so relate to these feelings. What a terrible trial for your friend to go through, but she will be blessed to have someone like you to stand by her through it all.

And oh, that Lillie is so big I want to squish her cheeks. Hope all is well in SS. :)

Christie said...

Oh Janell! i know EXACTLY what you mean! One of my very best friends just recently lost her second baby at 23 weeks and it absolutely breaks my heart1 i love her dearly and i know that she and her husband will make awesome parents one day! I wish that I could just hand over one of my children to her so that she can have the joy of a baby in her home, but obviously that is not an option. I will tell you right now, going through a loss of a child is one of the hardest yet most rewarding things that I have ever had to go through. Gibson has taught me more than i think any living teacher on this earth could ever give me! He has been such a blessing!

Thank you for your post! We have recently heard of some VERY hard news in Todd's family lately and I have been having a lot of heartache to go with it. Your post was an answer to my prayers! Thank you!

Brittany said...

Wow. What a lovely post. I know what you mean about being able to get pregnant so quickly while others struggle. Sometimes I wish I could transfer my ability to get pregnant so easily to others. I love ya :)

*Lauren* said...

I don't even know your friend but, you're right, it makes me so sad. Nothing can attack a mother or a woman more than to see harm done to your child in any stage of life. Wonderful poem too.

Brett and Marisha said...

Thanks Janell! Love ya :)

Britanna and Kev said...

Thank you Janell for this. I loved reading and reflecting about what we are all given. You have a beautiful way of writing it. Thanks :)ps your kids are so cute and getting big!